To Ensure Immunity to Bogus Gift-itis

It’s been a busy week! Some of you mentioned that Dadisode must have read my birthday karma post before he received his Krazy Glue. After speaking with him last night, I can assure you that had no idea. He finally caught up with all the recent posts here last night while…sitting right next to me.

*shields eyes*

Of course his immediate reaction to all the posts had NOTHING to do with the fact that he received GLUE in a TUBE as a birthday gift; or the fact that I had on lace underthings and fell asleep. Nope, I got an earful of, “ Geez! I look like CRAP in that picture!”


This man is a total moron completely oblivious. Subtle and not so subtle hints are never going to work.

So in lieu of Mother’s Day this Sunday (and to ensure not receiving another $5 car accessory), I feel I may need to list precisely which items may be deemed as appropriate gifts to receive from my husband.

1) A designer handbag – and it better not say “Fucci” or “Foach” on it.

2) iPod- Turn Off your PC defense mechanisms, walk into a MAC store, and allow the high school wannabe geek lead you into the dark side.

3) Manicure/Pedicure- from a reputable place that will not give me a fungal souvenir.

4) Alone time- for me. Meaning everyone must be off the premises.

5) Private shower- with just me, myself, and I. No toddler allowed. (This does not count as “alone time”)

6) New camera- My current Canon Elph has little to no zoom, and turns everyone into Casper the Friendly Ghosts with flash. Even iPhoto has limits to it’s magic powers.

7) Insolence perfume by Guerlain- I’ve had 3,045 samples of this lying around our bedroom. An actual spritz bottle would be much nicer than having to rub packets on my neck.

8 ) Shoes- I’ve mentioned this as a big “No No” in the past, but all of my current ones have either a tear, hole, or have been worn to death. However, please do not attempt to pick out shoes for me. Remember when you brought home a size 9 or 10 engagement ring for my size 4.5 finger. Please…. allow me.

9) A grown up size diamond- because the one I have was clearly not made for one. I’d post a photo, but the zoom on my camera doesn’t double as a microscope.

10) Earrings- Allow me to pick these out too (refer to #9 for diamond size insufficiency).

11) Salon haircut- to fix the hack job Superbad Cuts did to my hair last month.

12) A massage- by a professional. I’ve had a 1-hour massage once in my life, and I nearly cried when it was over.

13) Gift certificate to any store with decent clothes for women (does not include Wal-Mart Target, or K-Mart)- One day, I’ll need to replace some of the clothes I’ve been hanging on to for over 15 years.


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