Probably Something I Should Not Have Done

I’m beginning to struggle with something as a new blogger. I once read somewhere that it’s a bad idea to go back and read older entries. So do I listen? Of course not.

A recent meme post sent me wading through my shallow Archives. While doing so I stumbled upon a handful of personal writings. Entries I posted before I began self-hosting Momisodes, and published on my blog when I had zero visitors or traffic. In retrospect, I probably published them because of that level of anonymity. And when I transferred my files over to this new site, I sort of…forgot. Or maybe I assumed that no one would really care to dig back into my older entries. Either way, I guess I imagined them buried for good from readers.

Yesterday I began sifting through those older posts. I nearly took a chainsaw and hacked them off the site completely, but decided to delete some and edit the others instead (probably not a good idea). One of them I edited to remove some personal information and then saved the changes. Unknowingly, this sent an instant Tweet on Twitter with a URL to the old edited post for everyone to read.

*Heart begins to race. Lungs grow short on oxygen*

I guess what I’m trying to come to terms with is where do I draw the line? Do I share the thoughts that often send me hiding in my bathroom to sit on my cold, dingy floor; shielding my salty tears from anyone’s view? As a hovering tear dangles from my lower lid, do I reach for my usual pencil and journal with the new intent of sharing it with the world?

Because last night, was one of those nights. When the tiniest hint from the past sends my mind reeling. Memories that often consume my mind and body with regret and sorrow, so much that I often sit worn, hovered over my journal. Just for a little while.

How do you cope?

Where do you draw the line in sharing your life, emotions, and thoughts before you’ve practically stripped yourself down naked?

Do you compromise?

Do you fear scrutiny?

Maybe I’m just being self-conscious, or suffering from “Bloggers Remorse” (totally just made that up).

Is this normal?

Sorry so sappy today. I promise to be better tomorrow.


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