Peek Into The Ex-Files

May I please redeem myself from my episode earlier this week?
In case you missed my sob-fest, feel free to dive head first into my misery here.

I vaguely mentioned in that post about my traumatic trip down memory lane sparked by some older entries. Allow me to clear the smoke and say that it was ALL about my Ex’s. Yes, my mind frequents that black hole in my brain that lingers on the “what-ifs” and “whys.” Not a healthy habit, but at least I am being honest.

So for today’s Thursday Thirteen, I am briefly opening my vault for everyone to peek into my Ex-files, documenting precisely why I am in much need of some therapy.

1) My first crush was on a boy name Max in kindergarten. I still remember his big brown eyes and cute little cheeks. During recess one day he played dead on the school lawn after someone shot him during a make-believe western shootout. I kneeled down and snuck in a kiss when he wasn’t looking. Sadly, he rode into the sunset on his trike with my best friend. *sobs*

2) In 3rd grade my crush was a foot shorter than me and barely spoke English (but he was hot!). One day while sitting beside me in class, I had a sneeze attack consisting of many, many sneezes in a row. Most of them landed directly on top of him.

3) The first guy I labeled as “going-out” with was in sixth grade. We were officially boyfriend/girlfriend for 6.5 days. We kissed once behind the school. I’ve mentioned this before, but he is now serving time in prison for murder. He could be writing love letters to a friend of mine on the “outside” and I just don’t know it.

4) In junior high I had secret crush on a guy for 3 long pubescent years. I made attempts to be friends with him during that time, but he never even gave me a second look. Just five years ago I caught wind that he now prefers men.

5) During my freshman year in high school, I had my first “real” boyfriend. He did not attend my high school, and my parents HATED him. I dated him behind my parents back for 6 months. And when I tried to break up, he snuck into my high school and threatened suicide (sanity was clearly not a trait I had an eye for).

6) After leaving ex #5, I pursued a senior who was incredibly hot in the dorkiest way. We dated on and off for over 4 years, during which he became a drug addict and aided in selling paraphernalia. He also tried dating my best friend.

7) Towards the end of my relationship with ex #6, I grew feelings for one of his acquaintances, but he was dating my best friend.

8 ) During college, I loved taking dance classes on campus. Waiting outside for me each week was sort of handsome, older (24 yr old) man. After a month he finally approached me and asked me out. We went out for coffee. By the end of the date I wasn’t sure if I wanted to gouge out my eyes or lapse into a coma. After a few weeks he began dating a friend of mine from dance class.

9) My senior year in college, I finally dated an intelligent, handsome, and tall fellow (6’4” and pre-med). Too bad he cheated on me after a few months.

10) Guy #9 ended up proposing to me. Twice. Once with a ring, the other with a spearmint gum wrapper folded origami-like into a ring. Sweetest. proposal. ever (sorry hubby). Had he not cheated, I may have said “yes.”

11) One year later, ex #7 suddenly showed up at my doorstep and proposed (had not heard from him in 4 years). I said no. He moved 5,000 miles away.

12) I met someone one night in Miami during my mid 20’s. I fell madly, deeply in love. He was a doctor. I was a nurse. He was moving 3000 miles away for residency and we had 9 months left to be together. We didn’t care. We loved. We cried. I wore my heart on my sleeve for the first time. He later asked me to follow him. I did. My plane landed…He changed his mind.

I was 3000 miles away from home. No friends. No family. No car. And contracted by work to stay put for 3 long months after the love of my life changed his mind. I had nothing but 3 suitcases and a laptop.

13) As my 3-month contracted stay came to an end, a sweet stranger began messaging with me online. We dated. I extended my contract for 3 more months. And then another 3 months. And then another 3 months. After extending for over 3 years, we finally tied the knot.

My best friend since 3rd grade is still single. And my husband better not be interested.


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