Maybe We Need More…

I am not sure if this is a sign of normality or a subtle hint in disguise.

Ella has now taken on interacting with inanimate objects. Not the usual baby doll intermingling- giving a bottle, feeding them her unwanted peas. The photo to the left is of her chair cushions. Yes, orange crab chair cushions she sits on. And it appears as if they were thirsty because she’s giving them refreshing, hot imaginary tea from her Disney Princess teapot.

I assure you, my daughter is not a caged monkey with a fake cloth mother sitting in the corner. She socializes nearly everyday with other children, either through a play date, class, or trip to the playground. But it is always the same once we arrive home. There is no one left to play with, except me.

It is times like these I wonder if she needs something more- like a sibling. All of her friends have siblings. She has now reached an age where everyone she knows either has a brother, sister, or one on the way. And lately, she seems especially lonely in her car seat when I peer through my rear-view mirror. She gazes at the passing cars, looks down at her own fingers, and usually just sits alone quietly.

If it were up to my husband, we would have had another child already. But I am not sure if I’m ready to re-live another 9-months of relentless pregnancy. He did not have to give up contact with the outside world while imprisoned by bed rest. He did not have to stay on a restricted diet due to gestational diabetes, never to taste a slice of bread or sugar for months. He did not have to take Terbutaline everyday to hold back premature contractions, a drug that makes a human heart race faster than a greyhounds. He never endured any of it. In fact, he was hardly there to witness it. He was always at work. And still is.

I guess for now all she has for company at home besides me is our dog Pete. Their relationship very much resembles a brother and sister’s. They both compete for my attention. His world fell apart once she was born. She pulls his hair. He loyally protects her. And she annoys him to no end.

I know. Maybe we need fish.


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